Public Liability Insurance Saves Treacle Mine

During the past twelve months, there have been growing concerns about the increasing scarcity of locally mined treacle, known as royal treacle, around the country. Some experts have attributed it to global warming, while others say it is simply a devious plan by monopolistic treacle miners to keep prices artificially high. There is universal agreement that synthetic substitutes simply cannot match the popularity of the real product.

Apparently frustrated by the continued shortage of royal treacle available in shops, visitor Barry Gormless took it upon himself to see if extraction capacity could be improved during a tour of the Little Widdling Treacle Mine. Said Gormless, "It was totally unplanned, really; I saw the crude treacle slowly dripping out of the taps, and I thought it looked inefficient. Nobody was paying attention, so I gave it a go."

While the guide was engaged in conversation with another tourist, Gormless left the tour party, walked through a 'Staff Only' gate, jumped over a barrier, crossed an indoor rail track and attempted to pull a lever. The sudden increase in pump pressure was enough to rip the tap from the reservoir, covering the floor with slimy, unrefined treacle. Gormless slipped in the mess, causing him to twist his ankle and fall head-first into a nearby treacle pit. He had just enough time to tell his wife to take a photo for evidence, before he seemingly lapsed into unconsciousness.

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"Of course, I am suing the mine owners", spouted an indignant Gormless, "They are liable because there should be sufficient safety measures to prevent such an occurrence. It could happen to anyone and the public need to be protected which is why I'm doing this - it isn't just for the money".

Mine boss, Joe Sweetly, confirmed more security features would be installed; surveillance cameras with alarms, sturdier barriers and a padlock on the lever would all be part of the new system. Tours of the mine were immediately suspended, with no plans to reopen to the public.

In an interview, Yorkshireman Sweetly stated that a sequence of unfortunate events had led to the accident. "Aye, happen there were a bit of a to-do", he said, "But we're chuffed to have public liability insurance. It will save the day for mine and workers, and no mistake".

Mrs. Gormless was unavailable for comment, but is believed to have received a large supply of royal treacle for personal use.

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